If you didn’t want me to be tired, then you probs shouldn’t have put me on check in for three hours.

 Okay, I feel like every time the cab releases an album they go on vacation instead of promoting it and then the album flops.

This EP has no reason to flop. Fix it.

I don’t care if this is an unpopular opinion, it’s the truth.

 

 My mom wants to talk about mystical promotions that won’t ever happen while I’m sitting over here homeless.

Yeah

 It’s official - I’m homeless.

I literally have nowhere to go.

 I honestly don’t get it, Godzilla was a movie about two bugs who waited 15 years to fuck and got cockblocked by a poorly CGI’d Barney - this cockblocking manages to ruin the whole city and suddenly Godzilla is a hero.

The fuck did I just pay to watch?

 Going to see an apartment after work today!

Please let this be the place.

 Might be seeing an apartment tomorrow. Pleaaaaaase let this work out. 🙏

 

 Calling all over trying to find an apartment and nobody is calling me back.

Lol whyyyyyy is this soooooo haaaaard 💔

Back with the LV selfie

 

 Mothers day isn’t always happy for some women. Some dread the day and stay in doors dwelling on the loss of their children or children that they’ll never have.

So on this Mother’s Day, just know that you are appreciated and loved. We are all mothers in our own special way. If you have one child, a fleet of children, missing children, you’ve lost a child/ren, or you can not have children of your own - you are a mother and this is your day.

If you know anybody who’s gone through the loss of a child, wish them a happy Mother’s Day. They deserve it.

 I have one more month.

I just have to make it one more month.


Then nobody can place a full drink on top of my computer and pray I knock into it in the dark.

Nobody can throw all my stuff on the floor.

Nobody can “fix the sink” and flood the cabinet below that contains all of my items.

Nobody can make fun of me for not being able to reach the slightly spilled make up behind the sink.

Nobody can throw out my food in the fridge.

Nobody can tell me I’m a whore.

I don’t want to come “home” everyday wondering if I’m going to end up shaking and crying in the bathroom quietly so you can’t hear.

I just want a home.
Please.

 In a month I’ll be signing a lease for a new apartment. Most likely it’ll be a year lease. That means I’ll be here for another cold, dreary year in New Jersey.

Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever make it back home or ever see a sunny, beach town ever again.

I really thought coming here would be the beginning of my new life and I would have the chance to find myself, live life for me.

The only thing that I’ve really found is that I’m a very depressed person at times. I feel anxious, alone, incomplete. I see Holidays come and go without hot meals on the table, I see the struggle of paying bills on time, the struggle of saving money, the constant wonder of if I was in an accident who would even know, learning what it’s like to not have a closet, learning what it’s like to ruin someone’s couch because I’ve been sleeping on it for almost six months, the feeling of my knees being weak from the constant pain in my back.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t unhappy here.

This is just a chapter in my book and soon enough I’ll be onto the next one.

I caught my reflection in the Mc Donald’s window and saw someone I didn’t even know. There she stood wearing the same clothes I used to wear, but she was different - she had deep dark circles tattooed under her eyes, unkempt hair that resembled a lions mane after a brutal fight, she was slightly too chunky for the shorts she was wearing, and she didn’t have the glowing smile she used to be so proud of. But most of all she was alone and she looked used to it.

This isn’t who I want to be.