Home for the Holidays!

 

 The baby in the Sun from the Teletubbies just turned 19 years old.

 Send me your Xbox live stuff.

 I can not believe I made it all the way back to florida.

I thought I’d always be trapped.

Who has Xbox one? Who has ps4? Making the jump this weekend.

That awkward moment you literally don't own pants. Oops.

 We made it safely!

 Somewhere in Virginia is my debit card 

Lmao final days in jersey and they declare State of Emergency

This may be shocking, but posting a status on Facebook will not change controversial issues in the United States.

You don't have to like apple, their products or their leader - but I owe so much to them. They've made adjustments for me on multiple occasions and now they're bringing me back to my family because my family needed me. They did not hesitate, they just listened and moved quickly. I am so lucky to have these amazing teams in my life. I came to New Jersey with no family and no friends and they embraced me without thinking twice. I have never been more thankful and humbled in my life and I am proud to be apart of the teams this holiday season. If over the next six days I do not get to see you, just know that I owe you everything for the never ending support and friendship we have developed over this past year.

 It’s crazy to think that people are looking for me to make some statement any further than I already have. The fact that stuff happened years ago and the fact that people that attended my high school still think about it is crazy to me.

I want everyone to step back and think about how many years it’s been, how everyone has grown as a person.

Breathe.

Everyone changes.

I've been counting down the days until I can make the announcement ... And it's time! I am proud to announce that I am joining the Family Room team at Wellington green! #7Days

Congrats to William for coming out. Glad you are who you are.

 I’m proud of you for embracing who you truly are.

I know we spoke for years, I know we really tried.
Today must have been so hard for you, but always know you’re always on my mind.
Good luck to you and your partner.
Don’t forget me.
I cared for you once.
Maybe.
I don’t even know now.
Did you even care about me at all?

What’s the glory in leaving? Doesn’t anybody ever stay together anymore? If love never last forever, tell me, what’s forever for?

Road and Track crowned the Car of the Year the Porsche 911 GT3. 👍

Okay, let's stop having Sunday as national "go to the mall" day. That'd be great.

If I die in some crazy freak accident id like my headstone to read "we don't have any more reservations for tonight. 😂

Has anyone ever had their legs turn a grey color when they were sick? Earlier I left work with a migraine and I felt so dizzy. When I got home I noticed the top of my legs were a grey/blue color. Man, I better not have Ebola.

Happy Birthday Darby!

 

Happy Halloween from Macy & Jackie Pig

 

Spending the day in NYC

 

Macy's new friend Jackie!

 

Years ago I had the honor of meeting the voice of Scary Kids Scaring Kids, Tyson Stevens, after a show in Miami and I had the chance to sing to him. I'm saddened to hear about his passing this morning. 29 is just too young.

Three years ago today I got the phone call that changed my life. Happy appleversary to me!

 

Pink in NYC

 

Jackie seems to be making a speedy recovery !

 

Park Ave BBQ

 

The best in South FL. I always come back when I come home.

Just got back to Newark! We had a great, short trip.

 

 

Missed Duffy's

 

New iPhone Lineup

 

iPhone 2014

 GIVE ME THE IPHONE 6 

 I don’t want to feel the way that I do anymore.

I wish I loved myself.

 I’ve spent a lot of the last month feeling pretty crappy about myself and I have a lot of really amazing people holding my hand through it all. Life can be unexpected and unfair sometimes. I’m just really thankful I have a great support system in my life.

I’ve had a lot of let downs prior to what has happened and the more I think of it, the more these past events make this one look so small.

At the end of the day, I’m worthy of someone who feels that I’m worthy. I deserve someone who isn’t going to go looking for anything else. I’m a one woman power house and I’ve always cared so much about everyone that I’ve had relationships with. I’m trusting, smart, funny and playful. I might have some emotional baggage, but I do my best everyday to play it off and I never try to inconvenience anyone with my personal problems. Even though the person I’m with should accept everything that I am, I don’t force them to. I’ve had a complicated life and I have no complaints.

I’m a relationship kind of girl and I’m always looking for someone to play for keeps. I don’t like to get dicked around because I bring a lot to the table. Most of my relationships have lasted into the year marks. I cook, clean, I’m financially independent, I have my own car, I pay my bills, I’m extremely useful and I’m never one for boring conversation. My hair, makeup and clothing are always on point.

I don’t deserve to have someone not be honest with me, I don’t deserve anyone to hold me back. I look for the best in people and I believe in them - that’s where I go wrong. I believe in that in every person, there’s a perfect soul who just wants someone to love them - that’s not true, not everyone needs you to love them, not everyone needs you. I’m not saying I want to be with someone who needs me, but I’m saying I want to look across the dinner table and believe in who’s staring back at me. I want to be proud of them, I want to be their cheerleader, I want to see what they want me to see, I want what’s real.

Someday I’ll be laying in the sunshine on the warm beach laughing about all of this, about this insane journey I’ve taken here in New Jersey. I’ll be able to walk through the white doors of my parent’s house with a nasty sunburn and tell my mom I need a tuna fucking sandwich. My only care will be if my hair will get fucked up when I put the top down on the porsche and what time Guanabanna’s is doing happy hour. But I’ll be a grown up, I’ll be able to say I left and had the balls to admit that running away isn’t the answer and life doesn’t always go your way.

I didn’t cower when the world threw me for a loop, I didn’t back down and I arose over my challenges. Every morning I peeled myself out of bed and dodged the punches. I’m strong, I’m beautiful, I’m smart and I’m everything you’d ever want to have in your life.

If you’re feeling depressed never forget to reach out to those who love you, but if you’re too scared to admit (or too hard headed) you’re struggling, thehopeline.com - there is hope.

 I have no idea how I’m staying at work today. I’m so sick that I keep fazing in and out of consciousness.

 

Macy's new Blanket

 

Hoboken Fishbowl

 

 

 

 I picked you up but I had to go inside to get things from dinner. I knew it would be hard, so in my mind I prepared some sassy comebacks if I saw her.

I saw her but nothing came out of my mouth. My flawless fake smile dropped to a tiny ocean curl.

She looked over at me and did the same.

There I stood if only for a millisecond with my perfect makeup, hair, nails and outfit staring into the eyes of a girl in a super market smock with dirty hair and no makeup.

I’ve already lost.

You have to know all about it. You must know even more than I do.
I guess I’ll just keep walking.

Wild night in Hoboken.

 

 

 Don’t get me wrong, this has happened to me before many times. I’ve even done it myself in the past. I don’t know why this particular time is more heartbreaking than others. There’s this odd attachment, this strange stillness in my heart, this blank page.

I sat in the bathtub last night while the bubbles consumed me. I blankly stared at the mirror for what felt like hours. These questions screaming in the back of my mind.

I came out of the bathroom and you were curled up in the living room on the couch, face was puffy from crying. I stood in the kitchen and glared at you for a little while. I slid down along the oven and curled my knees up to my chest, I softly rested my head on knees and felt the hot tears run down my legs.

What makes you so different?
What makes you this special?
How could one person make me feel so bad?
Is it the way I look? I know I’ve gained a little weight.
Is it the way I don’t express emotions? I know sometimes I come off as cold.
Is it because I’m working all the time?
Is it because I was stressed out? I didn’t know where I was going to be living, how I was going to get the money, if I was going to have to transfer home.
Is it because sometimes you’re envious of my job?
I have acne sometimes, that doesn’t look great.
I can’t wear high heels.
Maybe you’re embarrassed about sometimes I can’t hold myself up because of my back.

I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. I’ll never really know. Maybe I don’t want to know. Maybe I can’t handle to know.

Breathe.

Burned the shit out of my hand selfie

 

Took cookies out of the oven without a mitt by accident.

 He quietly turned to me and whispered, “because I did it.”

I stopped the car, shot my head in his direction and stared. My mouth dropped open, my eyes wide with hatred, palms covered in sweat, beads of silky tears rolled down my cheeks. It felt like an eternity before my arm snapped back and slammed into his face, “you what! You what!”

My voice boomed like thunder and I had no control over it, it vibrated the rear view mirror.

“I’m sorry, I love you! I’m sorry!” He pleaded and cried, “I love you!”

My mind boiled over and I could no longer hear what I was saying. Words flew out like bombs. Words slipped out faster than my eyes could produce tears. Was I even crying anymore?

I parked the car and turned it off. He was sobbing in the passenger seat. His blonde hair drooped over, eyes brilliant red, running his hands over his face. He couldn’t even look at me. Suddenly the little angel faced gentleman was no longer there, nothing but a washed out copy with remnants of once was.

I sat back in the seat and shut my eyes. Who would have known just an hour before this moment we were hand and hand in the supermarket? We were giggling and shopping, preparing for a party we were holding. I could feel my blood starting to boil. I could hear the thug screaming in my face “have some self respect! You have no idea what he’s done! You think it’s just rainbows and greatness! You’re so fucking blind!”

I looked over at the shell of what once was slumped over in my passenger seat and slowly got out of the car. I whispered softly, “wash your face. The guests will be here soon.” The door left my hands and shut with a bang.

I took off my shoes and placed them into my bag, started running and didn’t look back. “You’re so fucking blind! Have some self respect” “…because I did it.” “You don’t even know what’s going on! You think it’s all rainbows!” “The last time they did it was June 5th you little bitch!”

Run faster. Run faster. Faster. “Self respect!” My breathing increased but I felt weightless and if I felt weightless, nothing could hold down my shoulders.

Macy in the Bath

 

 Last night the whole world turned upside down and I fell flat on my face

 Just when you think it’s safe to breathe.

Selfie with Macy

 

Family gathering with TJ & Taylor in South Jersey

 

 Things drunk people say

Bessy : I can’t go in there the light isn’t on enough
Me : you can’t pee in the dark?
Bessy : no
Me : what? You have to look at your vagina?
Bessy : … No

Hanging out on her Towel :)

 

Macy & Toast

 

Welcome Macy Pig

 

 

Hiding in the Couch

 

Welcome home Macy Pig!

 

Loving my new kitchen!

 

 Two hours later and I’m still not in.

Fml

 In an hour my whole life will change.

I will finally be set free from these last few months.

I think the first thing Im going to do is sit on the floor and cry.
I made it.
I’m almost there.
The final stretch.
I was strong, I withheld anger, I stayed true, I stood tall and I didn’t get knocked down.

I’ve almost made it.
I can see it now.

My New View of NYC :)

 

 One more night and this will all be over.

Breathe.

Don't ever let anyone hold you down.

 

 That stupid fucking piece of shit had to break the keytar.

 Tomorrow was supposed to be moving day but the landlord called and said we’re going to do paperwork tomorrow and move in on the 15th.

This means after this weekend I’ll basically be living on the floor for two weeks.

I’m not really sure how I feel about it.

Shit.

 If you didn’t want me to be tired, then you probs shouldn’t have put me on check in for three hours.

 Okay, I feel like every time the cab releases an album they go on vacation instead of promoting it and then the album flops.

This EP has no reason to flop. Fix it.

I don’t care if this is an unpopular opinion, it’s the truth.

 

 My mom wants to talk about mystical promotions that won’t ever happen while I’m sitting over here homeless.

Yeah

 It’s official - I’m homeless.

I literally have nowhere to go.

 I honestly don’t get it, Godzilla was a movie about two bugs who waited 15 years to fuck and got cockblocked by a poorly CGI’d Barney - this cockblocking manages to ruin the whole city and suddenly Godzilla is a hero.

The fuck did I just pay to watch?

 Going to see an apartment after work today!

Please let this be the place.

 Might be seeing an apartment tomorrow. Pleaaaaaase let this work out. 🙏