Friday, December 27, 2013

 


Wednesday, December 25, 2013

 


Tuesday, December 24, 2013

 


Monday, December 23, 2013

 


Friday, December 20, 2013

I'm in so much pain.
I should have went to the hospital.

Sunday, December 15, 2013

So I bought a new car and I signed a lease for my apartment. Now all I have to do is afford all of this new shit. Jeesh.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

It’s been awhile since I’ve felt this hurt.
This is a horrible feeling.

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Sitting alone in our beautiful, empty store.

I’m going to miss this place. I have amazing memories here. I can’t believe how many nights I’ve spent here helping make it look so beautiful.

It’s such a small space but so many great learning experiences were made here.

It’s actually really sad that I’m not going to be spending my career here.

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

I seriously hate my life.


My bank is trying to charge me some crazy overdraft fee that’s not even possible because I had quite a bit of money in the bank so it didn’t make any sense at all.

I hate that I have to call this bank every six months because they’re constantly fucking up with my money.

Sunday, December 1, 2013

All my friends tell me they’re staying in tonight and all that crap, but they lied. They’re really out with my exboyfriend.

I mean, you might as well just tell me that’s where you’re going instead of lying to my face and telling me you’re going to stay home.

Less than a month until New Jersey.

I’ve never experienced something as crazy as walking into a bar semi drunk and sitting across from someone only a few months ago I would have given up everything for. We didn’t make eye contact and we didn’t even say hello to each other. We just happened to be sitting at the same exact table. I just keep telling myself I didn’t do anything wrong. I didn’t.

I wasn’t the cheater, I wasn’t the one talking to anyone behind his back, I wasn’t the one who said I wanted a homely life and then backed up on that. I wasn’t the one who went around talking shit to his friends. I wasn’t the one who made fun of his situations. I was the one cooking dinner that night, I changed. I did everything I was asked and I got nothing out of it.

Now I get to sit across from him at a bar that he said he hated so many times. I can’t count the amount of times I had to hear about how much he hated that bar, but there he was. The amount of nope that filled the room could have strangled me. Not enough Jameson in the world could have cured that moment. Believe me, I tried.

Someone who said they’d always be there for you now dodges anything pertaining to you. He doesn’t even know I’m leaving. He has no idea. It’s just crazy to think about it because his excuse for leaving me was /I have to move and I know you could never or would never move./ But I’m the one who’s moving. Ironic.

I really think that he doesn’t know what he wants or who he really is. He bounces around on opinions and if you ask him what he wants in life he won’t give you the same answer twice. I really hope that he figures out what he wants because at the end of the day he has a really nice life that he takes for granted. I sometimes question if he truly knows how to be happy.

It’s not my business anymore, but I hope he finds it. In a way I’m sorry I couldn’t provide what he wanted because I tried harder to please him than I have anyone else. I won’t take it as a complete failure, but I still question why.

Honestly, losing him was one of the best things that ever happened to me. I experienced what it’s really like to be 22 and single. It was a beautiful thing and I’ve learned more about myself in the past couple of months than I have in years.