September 9th 2013

Monday, September 9, 2013
My sinuses hurt so much from crying I can't even sleep.

I shouldn't even be crying because I know it was the right thing to do. I knew it was coming to and end and so did he.

I just didn't even imagine it happening today. I had a long day at work, but I made a lovely dinner and bought fancy wine. We got into talking about computers and cars and somehow it erupted into this huge fight. I know the fight didn't have to do with cars or computers, it stemmed from something worse inside of us both.

We yelled at each other for awhile and then I cleaned the kitchen. As I cleaned it he started to help. We spoke a little bit more and I sunk down onto the floor and leaned against the cabinets.

That's when the truth finally came out, he hates his job and he wants to try to go somewhere else. Somewhere far away. I have commitments where I live and I do not plan on switching stores or moving anytime soon. In fact, I'm trying to purchase a home.

I sat quietly on the floor biting my nails down to the bitter end and that's when I realized - he's right. Our lives are going into different directions and within the next few moments my heart burst into a million tiny pieces.

We got off the floor and we sat on the couch only to speak about the same issue - leaving. He said that he didn't want to pull me into it and he didn't think his current job would have ended up this way.

I understand completely and I tried my best to be strong and hold in all the hurt and pain I was experiencing in the moment. I rose from the arm of the couch and gathered my belongings.

I turned and told him that he was right and tried to reassure myself we were doing the right thing. I took one last glance around the condo I sometimes accidentally called "home" and had just a mere hour before cooked a fabulous love filled meal - wine bottle still cracked on the table. A romantic dinner gone wrong, a small attempt at being sexy gone awry.

I turned the handle on the door and told him "I guess I'll see you at work, then." I glanced quickly at the TV, football blaring in the background, and mumbled "enjoy your sports."

He walked over and told me not to say that, I ran my hand along his cheek and walked out the door.

It was over.
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