April 22nd 2007

Sunday, April 22, 2007
I guess I should start out by saying that, this post wont make any sence unless you know what happened on Friday. Only one person knows, I think. Not sure. I only told Nickki.
Here it goes :

I seem to only come on here to complain, and I think that this is partually another "angry" post.
I always seem to bitch on and on about Drew, and how he doesn't do everything how I want him to,
and crap like that. It seriously needs to stop.
I bitch at him to call, but when he does call.. it's kind of like talking to a wall. He really doesn't pay
Last night he was on the phone with Nickki for quite awhile, and I know they had some good convos,
but when I got on the phone, he kinda.. went silent. He asked how I was, and what I did today, stuff like that.
But then he started being quiet, and I guess he was on the computer or something.
So I kinda got upset that he wasnt saying anything, and I was sick of trying to start convos with him, so I gave
Nickki back the phone, and I told her that since he talked to her more, they could keep talking.

He never opens up to me, and It's semi upsetting.
I really want him to talk to me about things =/
If that makes sence.

So then he hung up on me, basicly, and I started to think about how I make him do all these things,
and I never really do anything for him. Like I don't want to call him, because I want to see if he'll actually
call me, and I wont open up to him, because I don't want to scare him.

I sent him around 11 "sorry" texts.

They said :

:/ you just never make convos with me. You don't really open up to me. All of the things I know about you, I learned from Kenzie. I just wish you would talk to me. That's all. I'm really sorry, but you don't talk to me about anything. Kenzie tells me stuff, and that's why I know so much about you. But you've never told me anything. I'm sorry if it sounds Bitchy, or if I keep pushing you to do things. I don't mean to be like that. I guess I'm kinda annoying because I ask you to do things. But I don't call you, and I don't really make an effort to tell you how I feel. So I'm not really being fair, huh?
haha but I keep going on and on in a text message. That's sad. You don't even notice you're getting texts. Lmao. But whatever, I hope you read the texts because I want you to know how I feel. I love you, and Miss you.

But he never responded to them.

I texted him today, and he didn't text back.

I'm really scared that I messed things up on Friday by doing what we did. But it seriously came so fast that I'm sure we had no idea what was going on. I hope I didn't put any pressure on him, and I hope he doesn't look at me in a different way. Because I don't think he understands how much I love him, and sometimes it scares me. I never thought that I could love someone this much, and if I loose him now, I know it'll be really hard on me.
It was hard on me when I lost Boosh, but Boosh is nothing compaired to Drew. I could see myself with Drew for a really long time. I hope it lasts, I really do.
I was just thinking about him today, and I was laughing so hard I almost ran a red light. He makes me smile so much.
I'm pretty sure he'd think it was weird if I told him that. Especially the whole me wanting to be with him forever thing...
I don't think he'd wanna stay with me forever. He's so much better than I am.

But after friday night, I'm just scared he's going to leave me.
I wonder if I made a mistake.
I know on Friday night, I went home and cried in the shower.
I'm really confused right now.
I'm happy about it, yet I'm really scared.
I'm questioning myself.
Am I good enough to keep this boy?
No, No I'm not.

April 14th 2007

Saturday, April 14, 2007
I think I'm really really mad.
You see, we made plans to meet up at the Jupiter Movies at 6pm.
(When I say "we" I mean, Drew, Mel, Andrew P, Kenzie, and some other kids)
When I got there, Drew called me and told me that he was "just going to west plam for a few."
So I sat there, lucky I had mel with me, and we waited for like an hour, and he still didn't show.
So he called me back and asked how I was doing, so I asked him if he was going to eat with us, and he said (something along the lines of) "Uh, no. I'm eating right now."
& That pissed me off.
So I told him to have a good time, like I always do. Then hung up.

So Mel & I went to get pizza. Then Andrew P called me, and asked why I was mad at Drew.
(Let me break it down for a second, WHY DO YOU THINK I WAS MAD?)
So then I hung up on him, after yelling, the whole pizza place was looking at me like I was nuts.
Then we got a cheese pizza.

Then after that, Mel & I walked to the beach and we were having a pretty amazing time.
We made up raps, sang in high pitched voices, thought up different cakes, and even found some pretty shells.
Nickki called, and she said she missed us so much, and we missed her.
I think I missed Nickki the most.
But Mel & I think the same.
And for a few hours, I was actually amazingly happy.
Then they called and said they were on their way, by that time I seriously didn't want them there.

& when they got there, I felt as if it was my fault for ruining their night.
They didn't look like they were having fun, and it was my fault.

So after awhile I really wasn't mad anymore.
(Even though Drew never said he was sorry.)

Then we drove back to the movies, and I said bye to everyone.
Then Drew's mom came, and she got him.

Then I got in the car with Mel & My mom, and my mom started freaking out. She kept yelling about how crappy my friends are, she asked me why I even hung out with them, why I even bothered to date a boy who doesn't care, she told me to take back Boosh, and I said hell fucking no.

We fought all the way home.
It's not fair that I get yelled at for coming on time.
I didn't know they were going to fucking ditch me.

And you know what?
After thinking about everything my mom said (Minus the Boosh part) she was right.
Why do I just let them walk on me?
It's not exactly fair.
They show up when they want to, and ditch when they don't.
Not even telling me they were going to ditch.

My mom was right.

I'm easy.
I'm just like my sister, and I know it.

April 4th 2007

Wednesday, April 4, 2007
Well, Today's my birthday!
Anyways, Yesterday and Last night.. wow.

Yesterday I woke up late, and I pretty much got up and left to pick up Mel & Nikki.

Then we went to Drew's house. We had a hard time finding his house, we found it,but we thought we didn't. So I had to call them to have them stand outside, and then we found out we were at the right house the whole time.

So Drew and Andrew P walked out, and then we all went into his house.
His dog got excited and peed all over the floor, and yeah.

Then we played pool, and listened to Justin Timberlake, and then we
walked outside and sat down and Andrew P spat on Drew's face.

Then Andrew P fell out of a tree, Nikki tried to kiss my boo-boo,
and Mel kept laughing.

Then we went back in the house and played in the playroom thing, and then his mom came in and said she had to drive us all home, and we were like aww. Then Drew talked her into letting us stay when he was doing his flying lesson, and then Mel wanted to go up in the airplane, and so Drew asked if he could take her, and he could. So she went up in the plane, and Me, Nikki, and Andrew P stayed with Drew's mom and we watched "Go! Diego! Go!", and sung some Britney Spears.

Then Drew's mom said Andrew P could go in the airplane, so he went in the plane. Then he came back.

Nicole Biggie Sized my fries.

Then we all went to Duffy's, and I was kinda upset, but that was okay. So we ate and Drew & His mom talked to some realtor dude, and Drew sounded all important, and it was cute.

Then Nikki cooked up a plan about camping in her back yard, and we all were like "Hells yeah". So we got back into Drew's Mom's car, and we drove to get Brandon. Then when we got brandon we drove back to Drew's house. We hung out there for like an hour, and stuff.

Then we all got back in the car, and we drove to Nikki's house, and we all filed into her room.

Then we played Britney spears, and Me, Drew, and Mel sang "Lucky".
And then Nikki's mom said the boys had to be out of her room by 12.
But we really didn't listen, and so the boys stayed.

Then we played Truth or dare, and Nikki & Brandon had to make out.
And they did it.

Then Nikki & Brandon basicly fell in love, and now they're dating.
And then I got dared to take my top off, and I did it.

Then Andrew P stole my bra, and wore it.
They I was suck there with my boobs showing.
Then I tried to grab my bra back from Andrew, and I broke the strap. LMFAO.
So then I put it back on.

Then Drew & I talked, and Nikki & Brandon basicly put coco all over their bodies and licked it off.

Mel was quiet, and Andrew kept talking.

Drew & I were talking.

and Nikki and Brandon were touching each other.

And then Drew fell asleep, 
and I tried to sleep, but everyone kept talking.
So I started talking, and then it was like 4am
and then I fell asleep next to drew.

Then at five, the boys had to leave the room, and Drew wasn't too happy about waking up.

Then in the morning I got on Nikki's bed and slept there for awhile,
because Nikki & Mel were awake.
Then we went on Nikki's computer for awhile, and that was rad.

THEN Andrew had to wake up for his doctor thing, and Brandon came in to talk to everyone, 
and Drew stayed asleep so me & I went out to go watch him sleep.
He's cute when he sleeps. Really.
Then we turned on the TV and watched Maury, and Montel.
But Drew woke up durring Maury.
Then he made Nikki go get his glasses, and he looks so cute with glasses.
But they sit funny on his face, I guess it's his ears or something.
But he looks too cute with glasses. Seriously.
Then we had eggs & bacon.
Then we went back in Nikki's room.
Then I got kicked out of Nikki's room, because they were plotting something.
Then Drew's mom came, and she brought me some baloons!
So nice!
Then I went back in Nikki's room, and then I sat on the bed with Drew,
and we threw my shoes around, and tried to hit Brandon in the nuts.

And then Drew's mom came in and said we had to leave.
SO we all got back into Drew's mom's car, and she told me that there was a gift in there for me,
and so I got it, and it was a $50 gift thing for Jupiter Nails.
That was nice.
...I have no nails.
But that was nice.

Then I came home, watched E!, and then took a nap.
When I woke up, my mom had already ate dinner.
So I didn't get anything.

The end!

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