February 4th 2007

Sunday, February 4, 2007
First off, this morning I brought in cupcakes because I heard Drew had gotten hurt. I made the cupcakes myself. I worked hard on them.
Today in second hour, Britney came up to me to appoligise for all the things she did, and I went along with it. It's better to have more friends, but I was pretty wrong..

At lunch Britney came up and was talking to me, Drew was sitting to my right, and my other guy friend, Birdman, was sitting on my left. When Britney Left, Drew leaned over me to tell Birdman that Britney was hot. My jaw dropped.

How could he even do that? I slapped him in the face, and he didn't get the point. I was so upset that I let go of his hand, and walked off. By then the bell hand rang, and he was running behind me to catch up. He did, and he said he was sorry -- But he didn't really act like he ment it. So I went to his locker with him, thinking I'd be alright, but I really wasn't. I was trying so hard not to cry. So I walked to my class, seriously trying not to cry, and he goes "Don't be mad", and he didn't sound like he ment it at all! So I told him that I was going to cry, and walked into the class.

Thank god that teacher makes us do work, because I needed to keep my mind off of it. But I couldn't do it. I started to cry. I was really quiet about it, because I hate people seeing that. But I did. Then he sent me texts like "No, I love you!" and shit.

I know I'm not beautiful, and I really work hard trying to look as nice as I can, and he knows about how hard I judge myself, and how I have depression, and yet he can say that right infront of my face. And it just had to be about Britney. He knows how I feel about that, and yet he still did it.

Is it right to be mad about this? Because I'm really fucking upset right now.

Anyways, after school he came up and stood with me like normal, he acted like normal, like he didn't notice how upset I was. Acting like he never said that to me, but I was fucking pissed off. I didn't even look at him. I really didnt want him to hug me, or anything. I was really just... off. I didn't want him pretending everything was alright. I wanted him to look me right in the face and tell me that he really didn't mean it, and that he really does love me. I don't wan't some text message "I love you I'm sorry". That's just not good enough anymore.

I'm sick of being that girl who everyone tells her she's pretty, and deep down inside they're laughing because they're thinking about how ugly I am. It's not nice, and it's not the truth.

Someday I'll be pretty, But until then, I have pimples on my chin, a bad singing voice, a fat face, weird looking side burns, AWFUL EYEBROWS, one's I lvoe saying how pretty someone is right infront of me, anorexia and a extreme depression problem.

But I'm really sick of putting on makeup, and fancy clothes trying to look good, when I don't.
I'm sick of going to singing lessons, and not singing well.

I'm sick of being me.
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